heu. 2001

i can't believe kissander kept it. and how pleasant it was to read it after so long!

when calidhuux and i became friends, we had a blast talking nonsense a lot of the time and laughing at little nothings. we really were a bunch of 8 year olds. we invented a word: heu. i was making fun of a turkish adhan, if i'm not mistaken. we then started using that word to describe things that we liked, and from it derived a whole family of adverbs, adjectives, nouns, and even used it as suffixes, prefixes and onomatopae. so i need to post it up least i should lose it again
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HEU

Allaheu akbar! Allaheu akbar! Allaheu la ilaha illah heuwa, said the white dwarf. Jiggle, and giggle and white fluffypuffs, Heu is a monosyllable expression used, much like the Smurf’s “smurf”, to describe that which is indescribably pleasant.
Sweet and sour twitches, fuzzy winks, and all colours… with the exception of Pink, are examples of heuishness, in all their Heu.

When the short stubby orange marsupial finished painting heu univheuse on canvas of heu mind, before heu inner eye, blue and silvheu in a mist of celestial heu, she stood back, fuzzy-faces and pink, and smiled.
Heu Majesty Koala the Kween of Heu was no longer a simple ball of pfluph-substance. But prior to the exposition of heuself in the univheusal mind-art exhibition of heuity, she suffered a great many pink ordeals. This is the story of Heu.
[ed : go get some popcorn]

In the land of Pink [ed : i refuse to make the background pink], a very long time ago, when the Dodo ate the pomegranate seeds and died, there lived an orange somewhat sedated creature called Koala. Koala had three fingers on either paw; three very slow and counter productive fingers. One was pink, one was also pink, and the last one, the little chota one, was very much pink, too much pink… ziada. [ed : ziada is an urdu word and it means lots / many / excessive / too much]

As Koala slowly moved from leafless tree to leafless tree, all drained of their green freshness, she had a habit of suckling these fingers, for the bitter taste that exuded from their pinkishness brought upon visual hallucinations, which she very much enjoyed, seeing as her world was composed only of various aggressive pinks.

Baby pink, purple pink, hot pink, dark pink, fuschia, pink with red polka dots…

Koala was a miserable marsupial. Her fur was bristly, her nose was dry and her fingers were pink. Misery!
One day, as Koala sleepily dragged her feet on a foreign road made of pink sand paper, she encountered a sign that read:

Heu: Start at the beginning, and when you come to the end, stop.

Perplexed and intrigued, Koala walked on drowsily. On the horizon, she noted a blurry silhouette, something she had never seen before, something fresh, crisp, and cool. She ceased to nourish her “syst?e sensoriel” with dangerous amounts of pink provided by her fingertips, and approached this new hovering structure. There was freshness around it, soft winds that ran through her orange coat. It was terribly big, yet it seemed so light and airy, like a cloud.

The burning pink and red sun set. Koala circled her new discovery once and, beat by the fatigue and lack of pink stimuli, collapsed at the foot of the thing.

Koala woke to the sound of murmurs. “heu heu heuheu heu heu heuheu,” she heard. Like throbbing, like a heartbeat, like the sound from deep space nine’s central power unit; a sweet melodious sound, yet strange to her untrained and pink-conditioned ears. Blue is an acquired taste in these pink parts. She flared her nostrils and scratched her furry tummy. Koala looked up and tried, as Jack had apparently done in a neighbouring Story land with his beanstalk, to see where this enormous thing ended. Directly above her floated a massive figment of her imagination, but the upper part of it was lost, swallowed by the obnoxiously pink stratosphere. Koala licked her nose and resolved to climb into the unknown. After all, she had nothing to lose but a pathetic pink-dependant existence revolving around three-fingered hands, clammy from the sucking thereof. She lazily walked beneath the centre of the floating whispering novelty and daringly looked up for some entrance.
All she found, sadly, were large letters that read:

Made in Heu.

Suddenly, the sky ripped open and silver flakes of freshness floated downwards. Little light bulbs from afar shown against the new dark sky as the former pinkness melted away like hot wax. The earth beneath her feet grew purple moss with high stems that soon flowered in divinely intricate blossoms, which smelled *snif snif* like cocoa and vanilla.

The trees shed their rough bark and grew extra big and smooth. Their gold foliage shone in the starlight, and their fruits dripped of diamond water. Koala stood in awe. She turned around and around, witnessing this absolute heuness with wide eyes and open mouth. As she turned one last time to face that which was made in Heu, it was gone.

Vanished! Disappeared! Extinct! Died out! Faded! Dissolved! It was no more.

Koala was dizzy. These new scents and colours were a lot to handle. She retraced her steps to the sign she had read before arriving to the strange hovering no longer existing thing. But there, she failed to find the sign. Instead there was a red rubbery sphere waltzing around. As she came near it, it stopped and glided towards her and said: squeeze me!

Reluctantly, Koala did as the ball advised, and everything around her came to a halt.

A faint whistling was heard as Koala’s fur curled and grew. Her nose moistened as her body colour changed from violent orange to passive blue, a colour that most suited her temper. Then, a boisterous voice was heard clearing its throat. Startled, Koala looked around but no one could be seen other than the magnificent scenery.

“Is this thing on?” said the deep echo. “Oh. Well turn it off- where’s my line?”

The whistling ceased for a few seconds, and resumed, to the expectation of Koala.
She rolled her eyes and sat on a golden tree stump.

” You are within the Heu, and the Heu is in you. Yabok trilliuma toghbitsgroo, groo Froshtik mastin ka mavi.”

Little white dwarfs, at that moment, came out from various hiding places and began to cheer.

” Heu! Heu! Heu!” they happily yelled in unison.

Koala and the dwarfs danced and sang under the stars of Heu, for the rest of time.

The Heu.

1 comment:

calidhuux said...

If Allah (s.w.t.) admits me into Paradise, I will have 5 friends by my side at all times: my late sister Shukri; 1 talking giraffe; 1 talking peacock; 1 talking koala and 1 talking kitten. And together, we will compose the most beautiful taqasim on my oud as we perform for Prophet Solomon (a.s.) whenever he invites us to his backyard for tea and milk after our music lessons with him every Saturday night. My koala friend will obviously be playing the qanun and my sister Shukri will be singing the best qasidahs they is. Damn Rudyard Kipling!